Operation: Find Bossanova a Girlfriend
by Shniosaurus
Summary: The Club doesn't like Kasanoda constantly hanging around Haruhi, and decides to find him a girlfriend to stop him seeing her. Of course, everything goes totally wrong, and absolute chaos ensues! Well, it is the Host Club. What else would you expect? R&R!
1. Chapter 1: Surprise Visitor

_Hey guys, Vy here. This is my first fic, and it's an Ouran! YAY! I've had this idea for a while now, and I FINALLY had the time to actually write it! Ok, I know, it will probably suck, but it is my first story. So bear that in mind and PLEASE don't flame._

_Hikaru: Yeah! Give her a break!_

_Kaoru: Yeah, come on! It's only her first fic!_

_Me: Thanks guys. Well, disclaimer time! As with all boring and business/lawsuit related things, we turn to the Host Club Manager. Take it away, Kyoya!_

_Kyoya: With pleasure. *ahem* __**Vylet1, otherwise known as Vy, does not in any way claim ownership of the manga/anime 'Ouran High School Host Club' or any of its characters. Such rights belong solely to the author of the Ouran High School Host Club books, Bisco Hatori.**_

_Me: Very...thorough, Kyoya._

_Kyoya: Thank you. Thorough is my specialty._

_Me: You heard him! Ouran belongs to Hatori-Sensei, not me! Ok, well, I've rambled enough. ON WITH THE FIC!_

_Host Club: YEAH!_

_Me: Oh, one last thing. If there are no reviews, there will be no updates. Ok, done now. ON WITH THE FIC!_

_..._

Chapter 1:

'In your eyes, two sparkling pools of the clearest blue, I am helplessly drowning. Will you throw me a lifeline, my Princess?' the Host Club King said, winking at the (thoroughly dazed) customer seated next to him on the plush pink couch.

'Ooh, Senpai, that's so beautiful'

'Oh Tamaki, you're so poetic'

The rest of Tamaki's guests, clustered around them on other couches and chairs, squeaked and sighed in delight. Tamaki then lifted his head, swishing his pale blonde hair with a perfectly practiced motion, and looked at them all with his violet eyes glistening with tears before saying 'Of course, I would never know such beauty and fluency with my words without such beautiful and graceful ladies to inspire me'.

Well, Tamaki's words had the desired effect; the customers' faces simultaneously turned bright red as they squealed, overwhelmed by their inner fan-girls. He smiled warmly at them; feeling extremely pleased with himself. As he always did when he was charming the Host Club visitors dizzy. In fact, the only thing he enjoyed more than hosting was spending time with his favourite 'daughter', Haruhi Fujioka. Unfortunately, Haruhi didn't exactly share the same sentiment.

Tamaki was in the middle of listening to one of his customers recounting their summer holiday when he saw a head peering round the door. The visitor had an Ouran boys' uniform, a stern expression and red hair that Tamaki immediately recognised.

'Bossanova-kun! What a pleasant surprise! What brings you to the Host Club?'

Ritsu Kasanoda stepped round the door, sighing. He had long since given up correcting people about his name, only his family called him Kasanoda or Ritsu now.

'Hey, Suoh. I was just in the building and thought I'd, y'know, stop by' he said, glancing around.

He then nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt two hands on his shoulders and the voices of the Hittachin twins in his ears from either side.

'Looking for-' said one (he could never tell them apart, they were both just as bad)

'-Haruhi-' said the other.

'-Aren't you?' They finished together, grinning devilishly at him. Tamaki heard this and his smile turned into a death glare. Kasanoda's face turned red as he stammered.

'What? N-No! Shut up!'

'Oh, HAAAARUHI! You have a visitor!' The twins called together, smirking at Kasanoda's glare.

Haruhi came over from where she was sitting and saw Kasanoda, flanked by the twins.

'Hey, Bossanova-kun. Good to see you again' She smiled at him.

'Ah! H-Hey Fujioka, what's-I mean, h-how are you?' He stuttered, his face even brighter red. After all, it was clear to everyone (except Haruhi, of course) that he had a crush on her.

'I'm good, thanks. Are Hikaru and Kaoru harassing you again?' she said, glowering at the twins, who just smiled angelically back at her.

'Oh, we're not doing anything, Haruhi!' said one of them.

'Uh-huh, okay Hikaru. Whatever' Haruhi replied. She turned back to Kasanoda.

'Come and sit down, Bossanova-kun' she led him to a sofa on the other end of the room.

'I, ah, o-okay. I guess I could stay a f-few minutes...' he said, blushing deeper.

Tamaki saw this and frowned. He gestured to the twins and whispered to them;

'We can't allow Haruhi to be alone with him. Keep an eye on them. But make sure Haruhi doesn't see you!'

They nodded in unison and crept off, edging towards the sofa. They pretended to talk to some customers until Haruhi and Kasanoda weren't looking, and then quickly slid onto the floor behind the sofa so they could hear what they were saying.

'Here, Bossanova-kun, try one of these' Haruhi said, holding out a little cucumber sandwich. Kasanoda took it and popped it into his mouth whole.

'It's pretty good...we don't get much food like this at home' he said while munching 'It's mostly take-outs for us, we don't really cook or anything. Fast food is pretty much all we have'

'You know, you'll kill yourself eating that way' Haruhi scolded 'Come back some time and I'll make you some real food, okay?'

'Uh, yeah, okay...' Kasanoda replied, helping himself to more sandwiches. Hikaru and Kaoru crept silently back to where Tamaki sat.

'Hey Tono, this isn't good. Haruhi just offered to _cook_ for him!' they whispered to him. A look of shock crossed the King's face.

'What?' He said, looking extremely hurt 'Haruhi _never_ offers to cook for us!' The twins nodded sadly.

'Well? What are you still doing here?' Tamaki said to them 'Get back over there and find out what else they're saying!'

'Got it, boss' the twins said, crawling quickly back over to their hiding place behind Haruhi's sofa.

'You know...' they heard Haruhi say 'Why don't you come over to my place sometime and let me cook you something more than just sandwiches. You need a home-cooked meal'

Kasanoda spluttered, choking on his sandwich.

'R-Really?' He said, while coughing.

'Sure, why not?' Haruhi replied, passing him a glass of water, which he drank in one gulp.

The twins were back to Tamaki in a flash.

'Ok, Boss, this is getting out of hand' they said in a rush 'Haruhi just invited him back to _her house!'_

'_What? _No, no, no, no. No way is that Yankee going anywhere near my daughter's house!' Tamaki looked round desperately 'We need a distraction before anything worse happens!'

He clicked his fingers 'Hunny-Senpai!' he called sharply.

The little blonde boy bounded up to them, a plate of cake in one hand and Usa-chan clutched tightly in the other.

'Distract them. Quickly! My daughter's innocence is at stake!' Tamaki told him, pointing at Haruhi and Kasanoda.

'Yes sir, Tama-chan, sir!' he said, saluting. He then ran off towards Haruhi and Kasanoda, stopping to pick up a plate of cakes on his way.

'Haru-chan! Haru-chan! Haru-chan!' He said, skidding to a stop right in front of Haruhi.

'Look, look! Kyo-chan got us some new cakes! They're _strawberry!_ And _everyone's _got to have some!' He thrust the plate towards Kasanoda, who leaned away from it. He didn't really like sweets much. 'Err...no thanks' was his answer.

'Waaaah! Haru-chaaaan! Bossanova's not having any of my special cake!' Hunny wailed, clutching Usa-chan 'Eat it! Eat it now! Waaaah! _Haru-chaaaan! Make him eat it!'_

'Ah! Hunny-senpai! Calm down! Look, I'll make sure he tries some, okay?' Haruhi said quickly. Hunny immediately stopped crying and beamed at her.

''Kay! See you later, Haru-chan' He said, skipping merrily away. Haruhi sighed, picking up a piece of cake.

'Well, if you don't eat it now, he's only going to throw another tantrum'

'Um, it's ok. I don't want any' Kasanoda said, wrinkling his nose.

'Well, you're going to have to. Here.' Haruhi said, holding the cake out towards him.

'No, really, its ok, Fujioka' He said, pushing her hand away.

'Eat it or you'll have to handle Hunny afterwards' Haruhi pushed the cake closer.

'No, seriously, I don't like-' he started to say.

'Eat it. Now.' Haruhi said resolutely, holding the cake right in front of his nose.

'Ah! O-Okay' he said, taking a bite out of the cake in her hand, his face the same colour as his hair. It was sickly sweet. He resisted the urge to gag as he swallowed.

'It's...not bad' came his strangled reply. Haruhi laughed.

Meanwhile, Tamaki watched in enraged agony from across the room.

'Tell me I didn't just see that!' he whisper-yelled to the twins 'Tell me I didn't just see my precious daughter _feeding _that lowlife!' He seethed silently, shooting dirty looks at Kasanoda's back.

'We can't let this go on, Boss' said Kaoru

'After all, everyone knows that Bossanova is after Haruhi' Said Hikaru

'And we can't let that happen, now can we?' They said together, leaning on each of Tamaki's shoulders.

'But what can we _do?_' came Tamaki's maddened reply.

'Well, that's easy' said the twins together 'All we have to do is find Bossanova...' they bend down to whisper in Tamaki's ears '...a _girlfriend'_

'Huh? A girlfriend?' Said Tamaki, looking round at them.

'That does seem logical' said Kyoya, who'd been secretly listening the whole time. 'If Kasanoda has a new girlfriend, he's more likely to get over Haruhi. And Haruhi can go back to spending time with the Club's customers. With all the time she's spending with Kasanoda instead of the guests, we're losing profit'. The rest of the Club members rolled their eyes; of course, money would be the Shadow King's main concern.

'Yes...Yes!' Tamaki stood up. 'We need to get him away from Haruhi, and soon! And the only way to do that is to find him someone new! Ok, men! Let Operation 'Find Bossanova a girlfriend so he'll stop harassing Haruhi' begin!'

'Yeah, and soon, before he ends up_ marrying_ her' said Hikaru

'By the looks of it, they'll be making out by the end of the day' said Kaoru

They were obviously deliberately trying to get Tamaki worked up, and, as always, it worked.

'What? Making out! _Married? _I'LL KILL HIM!' He flew, arms flailing, towards Kasanoda, only to be caught by Mori.

'Mori-senpai! Let me _go!_' He struggled uselessly.

'Hey, simmer down, Boss!'

'Yeah, we were only joking!'

'Waaaah! Tama-chan is scary!'

'You break something; you pay for it, Tamaki'

'Ugh! Lemme _go! _I'm going to kill that no-good Yankee!'

And so, Operation 'Find Bossanova a Girlfriend so He'll Stop Harassing Haruhi', a.k.a. Operation 'Matchmaker', began! (What could possibly go wrong?)

_..._

_So...Whatcha think?_

_Reviews are greatly appreciated! Otherwise I refuse to update._

_Tamaki: Grrr...You're lucky this is only a fanfic; otherwise I would KILL that damn Yankee..._

_Kasanoda: Hey! I didn't do anything! Vy was the one who wrote it! (By the way, Vy, you could just leave it like this, you know. Fujioka feeding me cake...not a bad ending, huh?)_

_Tamaki: Watch it, Bossanova..._

_Me: Sorry, Bossanova! There's still more to come! BUT ONLY IF THERE ARE REVIEWS!_


	2. Chapter 2: The Plan Begins

_Hey guys, it's me, Vy._

_I wanna thank everyone who reviewed, faved, or added my last chapter. So, here's another one!_

_fOk, before I start with Chapter 2, here's a brief preview of what happened in Chapter 1;_

_Kasanoda: So I came to the Host Club to see Fujio- I mean, just for a visit._

_Tamaki: And he was spending a totally inappropriate amount of time with MY daughter!_

_Kasanoda: Inappropriate? Suoh, what are you-!_

_Me: Hey, hey. Save it for the fic, guys._

_Hikaru: So anyway, we came up with a plan-_

_Kaoru: -to get Bossanova away from Haruhi-_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: -Called Operation 'Find Bossanova a Girlfriend so He'll Stop Harassing Haruhi'!_

_Kyoya: Pretty self-explanatory, really._

_Me: Ok, well, before the fic, let's DISCLAIMER! Whoo!_

_Disclaimer: __**See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer**_

_Me: Err...yes. So with that...let's BEGIN!_

_Host Club: YAY!_

_..._

Chapter 2: The Plan Begins

The Host Club (minus Haruhi) was gathered in Music Room Three for a 'Secret Emergency After-School Host Club Meeting' (named by Tamaki, of course. Kyoya's name for it was a 'Big Waste of Time').

'Okay, men, let Operation "Find Bossanova a Girlfriend so He'll Stop Harassing Haruhi" commence!' Tamaki announced 'Ideas?'

Two hands rose simultaneously. Tamaki gestured for the twins to proceed.

'Okay, Boss, here's the thing-' said Hikaru

'-The first thing we need to sort out is-' said Kaoru

'-What kind of girl we're looking for' they finished together, shrugging in unison.

Tamaki pondered this for a second, tapping his index finger on his chin.

'Okay...' he said slowly 'Then what we need to think about is what kind of girl Bossanova-kun would go for...' he whirled around and took a marker pen out of his pocket. He flicked off the lid and began writing on the whiteboard that was set up behind him. 'TYPE OF GIRL' he scrawled.

'Hmm...Well, if we're thinking about the type of girl Kasanoda would like...' Kyoya mused, pushing his glasses up his nose and writing something in his black notebook, 'That would mean we're looking for a girl like Haruhi'.

Tamaki's pen squeaked noisily against the board as he spun round to glare at Kyoya.

'Did you just say _Haruhi? _No way. I'm not letting her near him_'_ He growled. Kyoya just rolled his eyes.

'Please stop getting so worked up, Tamaki' he sighed 'I said a girl _like_ Haruhi. It's quite simple, really. We know that Kasanoda likes Haruhi, so naturally, if we're looking for the type of girl he likes, it'd be someone like her, right?'

Tamaki still didn't look happy; he had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face as he looked at the floor. 'Yeah, I guess that makes sense' he said grudgingly, turning back to the board and writing 'LIKE HARUHI' under the heading.

'Hey, there's just one problem, Boss' Said Kaoru

'Yeah, see, where are we going to find a girl as blunt-' said Hikaru

'-Tomboyish-' said Kaoru

'-Stubborn-' said Hikaru

'-Common-' said Kaoru

'-And uncaring-' said Hikaru

'-as Haruhi?' finished Kaoru

Tamaki pondered that for a second and then, in one swift movement, whirled round and crossed 'LIKE HARUHI' out with his pen.

'You're right. There isn't another girl at this school like Haruhi. She's all wrong for him anyway' he said 'What we really need is to do is find out what sort of girls Bossanova-kun appeals to'.

'But how're we gonna do that, Tama-chan?' Hunny asked, raising his hand in the air.

'The best way would be to bring him into the club, Boss' said Hikaru to Tamaki.

'Yeah, we get all _kinds_ of girls in there' said Kaoru

'Yes! Exactly!' said Tamaki, pointing at the twins, 'That's Phase One! Get him to be around all the different types of girls and see which he best relates to! Ok, let's get to it!'

'Suoh, _why_ am I here again?' Kasanoda asked, the frown on his face even more pronounced than usual. At first he's been perfectly happy to be dragged to Music Room Three by Tamaki; it was an excuse to see Haruhi, after all. But since he'd heard that she wasn't there today, his mood had become even more sour than usual.

He cocked an eyebrow at the Host Club King, who was sitting next to him on the poofy pink sofa, still waiting for an answer.

'I just thought it'd be nice for you to have lunch here for once, Bossanova-kun' Tamaki shrugged.

'I had lunch here yesterday, Suoh' Kasanoda said, irritated.

'Yes, but yesterday _I_ didn't get a chance to talk to you! My dear Bossanova-kun, this is a chance to catch up as friends!' Tamaki said, smiling way too overenthusiastically.

Kasanoda sighed and slumped back into the sofa cushions; he has a feeling he wouldn't be allowed to leave for a while. They ate in silence for a little bit longer, and then Tamaki spoke again;

'Well, Bossanova-kun, since you're here, why don't I introduce you to some of the club's guests?'

'Oh no, really, it's f-'

'Nonsense!' Tamaki said, throwing an arm around Kasanoda's shoulders 'It'll be fun! Come on!' He began leading him towards an array of snack tables where a group of girls were clustered. When Kasanoda wasn't looking, Tamaki leaned back and sent a signal to the twins- Begin Phase One. Operation 'Find Bossanova a Girlfriend' was underway.

**Girl Type One: The Girly-Girl Type**

'Bossanova-kun, let me introduce you to Miss Miu Chinatsu' Tamaki said, gesturing to the petite platinum blonde in front of him. 'Chinatsu-san, Bossanova-kun'.

Kasanoda inspected the girl. She wasn't at all his type; her pale platinum hair fell to her waist, and she had pink ribbons in it. Her bright silver-blue eyes sparkled and her features were very childlike. She stood about a head and a half shorter than him, and all-in-all looked about twelve or thirteen rather than sixteen. She smiled brightly at him.

'Nice to meet you, Bossanova-kun!' she said in a high soprano voice, before giggling lightly. Tamaki nudged him and gestured with his head to the girl.

'Ah, um, nice to meet you...too' he forced out, trying to smile. Unfortunately, his smile turned out to be more of a terrifying grimace, and his words, thanks to his awkwardness, came out as a bit of a growl. All of which managed quite well to scare poor Miu silly.

'Eep! I, ah, I just remembered, I have to go!' she stuttered, stepping backwards, away from Kasanoda, 'I'm so sorry, Tamaki-senpai! I'll see you tomorrow!' She turned to Kasanoda 'B-Bossanova-kun...um, bye'. She then hurried off at a pace just short of running.

Tamaki turned to the twins and gave a thumbs-down sign. The girly-girl type was out.

**Girl Type Two: The Shy Type**

'Bossanova-kun, Saki-san. Saki-san, Bossanova-kun' Tamaki gestured between Kasanoda and the girl in front of him. She had her dark brown hair tied back in a pony-tail, big dark green eyes, and was almost as tall as Kasanoda was. And, just like him, she looked away to the floor and refused to make eye contact, blushing from head to toe.

'Well, Bossanova-kun, say hello!' Tamaki whispered. Kasanoda glanced swiftly at the girl.

'Um...hi' he muttered, looking down again. She glanced at him furtively before quickly looking down again too.

'Hi...' she murmured back.

Five minutes passed.

Tamaki cleared his throat. Saki scuffed the floor with her shoe.

Five more minutes passed

Kasanoda coughed. Saki fiddled with her sleeve.

Two more minutes passed.

Tamaki scratched his neck. Kasanoda sniffed.

Another one minute passed.

Eventually Tamaki had had enough with the awkward atmosphere and could see that this was going nowhere.

'Err, Saki-san, why don't you go...find your friends?' he said to her. The relief on her face was clear.

'Okay' she said quietly 'Bye Tamaki-san, bye, um, Bossanova-san'. She shuffled off, still looking at the floor.

Another thumbs-down was flashed to the twins; the shy type was definitely out.

**Girl Type Three: The Confident Type**

'Bossanova-kun, this is-' Tamaki began before he was interrupted.

'Reina Misaki, but you can call me Rei, pleasure to meet you' the girl next to him said boldly, thrusting her hand forward towards Kasanoda.

He looked at her warily as he shook her hand. She had masses of curly bright orange hair which tumbled down past her shoulders, and bright vivid green eyes. She had freckles too, sprinkled all over her face, which now wore a huge ear-to-ear grin.

'So, Bossanova-kun, is that really your real name?' she said, rather loudly, ''Cause I swear that Bossanova's a type of music or dance, like from Brazil or something, ooh, I went to Brazil once, brilliant holiday, went with my family, we went dancing every night and once we visited this really amazing place, it was kind of like this restaurant with this dancing place attached and this carnival came with those dancers with the feathery hats and big parade floats and animals and, oh it was fantastic, and then we saw this-'

'Ah, Rei-chan, why don't we let Bossanova-kun say something?' Tamaki interrupted.

'Um, no, that's ok-' Kasanoda began to say before he was cut short.

'Oh, he won't have anything interesting to say I mean just look he hasn't said two words to me since I came and I told him all about my lovely holiday with the dancers and the carnival and everything and he didn't have anything to say about it at all I mean seriously he's no fun actually this is boring so I'm gonna go find something more interesting to do then okay so bye Tamaki I'll see you in class or something see you later!' Rei said, in one breath, before turning and stalking off.

Kasanoda and Tamaki blinked, momentarily stunned.

Then Tamaki, immediately serious again, whirled round to send yet another thumbs down signal to the twins; the confident type was 100% out.

**Girl Type Four: The Haruhi Type**

'The _what?' _Tamaki looked back at his list and then marched over to the twins, leaving Kasanoda by the snack table munching on some sandwiches.

'What do you mean the _Haruhi Type?_' he demanded, shoving the list in their faces.

'Well, you know, short hair, blunt personality, boyish' said Kaoru

'Well then why didn't you just write the _boyish_ type?' Tamaki said angrily.

'Well, two reasons. Firstly, Haruhi is the only boyish type we know' Hikaru said

'Well, what's the second reason?' Tamaki asked, still annoyed

'We knew it would freak you out, and we were bored' the twins said together, shrugging simultaneously.

Tamaki, completely infuriated, opened his mouth to launch a fresh round of angry verbal assaults on the twins, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a surly looking Kasanoda behind him.

'Look, Suoh, not that this hasn't been fun' he said, the sarcasm evident in his voice, 'But I'm gonna go. See you' he turned to leave.

'But...Bossanova-kun, didn't you _enjoy_ our friendly bonding time?' Tamaki called.

'Not really, no' Kasanoda replied, not bothering to turn as he continued to walk away.

A look of shock crossed Tamaki's features. Soon he was sulking in his familiar spot in the corner, a cloud of gloom hanging over him.

'Okay, what now Boss?' Hikaru and Kaoru called to him.

'What do you mean? You heard him. He doesn't _want_ to be friends with me' Tamaki muttered, still moping.

'Look, Tono, we don't mean about Bossanova-' said Hikaru

'We are talking about the _plan._ What's next?' said Kaoru

Tamaki didn't answer.

Kyoya got up from where he was sitting at one of the tables, and walked over to the twins.

'I'll handle it' he said to them.

'Tamaki, get up and help them with the plan' he called to the brooding boy, ' You heard them. They need their _king_'.

Hearing that, Tamaki straightened up immediately, turning grandly and smiling

'Well, if they need me that badly, then fear not! Your _king_ is here!' he said proudly, swishing his hair and striding over to them.

Kyoya just smiled and rolled his eyes. He knew that Tamaki could never resist being called king; his ego was just too big.

'Okay, Boss. Bossanova didn't take to any of the girls, at all. So what next?' Said Kaoru to Tamaki

'Yeah, what's Phase Two?' Said Hikaru.

'Phase Two' Tamaki said seriously 'is to turn Kasanoda into the kind of man any girl would want. A true gentleman. Be warned, we are taking drastic action here. We have no choice'

The club looked at him expectantly.

'Be prepared, men' Tamaki said 'We need to turn Kasanoda into a host'

...

_Yay! Cliff-hanger!_

_Okay, so what did you guys think? I'd appreciate reviews PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!_

_Kasanoda: Me? A HOST! No way! No, no, no, no absolute way in HELL!_

_Me: Too bad Bossanova. I'm the author and what I say, goes._

_Kasanoda: Come ON! Couldn't you have just ended it at the last chapter?_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: We can't wait to see that happens..._

_Kasanoda: There's something freaky about those twins, how do they speak together like that?_

_Twins: *glare evilly at Kasanoda*_

_Kasanoda: *looks incredibly freaked out* Uh, Vylet, please do something. I think they're going to kill me..._

_Me: Well, that's all for this chapter! Remember, no reviews, NO UPDATES! 'Kay, bye!_

_Kasanoda: Huh? Wait, no!_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: Come on, Bossanova, let's go and play... *evil grins*_

_Kasanoda: Nyah! Help!_


	3. Chapter 3: Recruiting Bossanova

_Vy here, bringing you the THIRD CHAPTER!_

_I am so so so so so sorry it took me so long to update, I've been SO busy! But here it is; the next chapter as promised. _

_Before this chapter starts, I need some help. I realise that my title, 'Trouble at the Host Club' is quite vague and boring, so does anyone have any ideas as to a better title? Suggestions would be greatly appreciated!_

_Okay, let's get things started! First of all, Chapter 2 recap!_

_Tamaki: So Phase One of Operation 'Find Bossanova A Girlfriend' was initiated._

_Kyoya: And failed miserably._

_Tamaki: *glares at Kyoya*_

_Hikaru: See, what we tried to do was to take Bossanova to the Host Club-_

_Kaoru: And get him to meet some different types of girls to see which he would go with best-_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: But he didn't go with ANY of them!_

_Tamaki: So I determined the cause of Bossanova's apparent lack of chemistry with the ladies-_

_Kyoya: Apart from Haruhi, of course_

_Tamaki: *enraged* Shut UP, Kyoya!_

_Me: Get on with it, guys._

_Tamaki: Oh, right, sorry. Ok, well, I concluded that the main reason why Bossanova isn't attracting the attention of the club's customers is that he is not a gentleman! And he obviously needed help in that department. And so we decided to take drastic action._

_Hunny: Yeah! Bossanova-kun's gonna join our club! Isn't that great?_

_Mori: ...Yeah._

_Me: So, there you have it! Phase Two of the ultimate plan to get Bossanova to get over Haruhi is 'Make Bossanova a Host!'_

_Tamaki: It's foolproof!_

_Kyoya: *chuckles* Foolproof...uh huh...right..._

_Me: Okay, you know the drill; if you want to see a disclaimer, you _**See Chapter One**_. Okay, enough with my rambling. Let's go!_

_Host Club: Go, go, go!_

...

Chapter 3: Recruiting Bossanova

'What? A host? _Him?_ C'mon, boss. You have got to be kidding' said Hikaru.

'Absolutely not' Tamaki replied, his voice businesslike. 'Bossanova-kun is a young man that needs help. He is lacking the basic principles needed in a true gentleman, and it is up to us to help him' he emphasized this by smacking his fist down on the table.

'You're forgetting one thing, Mi'lord. Bossanova would rather gouge his eyes out with spoons than join the club' said Kaoru.

'Well, we'll just have to make him, then. It's the only way to turn him into the kind of man that can please the ladies' Tamaki said.

'Okay, first problem is getting him here. He knows Haruhi's on vacation this week, so that'll be a problem' said Kaoru. Tamaki looked a little annoyed by this comment, but let it go.

'We could get armed guards to kidnap him and bring him' Hikaru suggested.

'We could tell him that, if he comes, we'll give him cake!' Hunny chirped.

Tamaki looked deep in thought. Finally, he said 'Ok. We'll come back to that one. But even if we do get him here, the chances that he'll agree to join are slim, no matter what we offer him. So what do we do?'

Kyoya walked over from where he sat.

'If I could make a suggestion' he said with a slight smirk. 'I think I know a way to get him to join. I guess you could say it's an offer he won't be able to refuse'

The rest of the club looked at him suspiciously, and he just shrugged.

And so the planning went on.

...

'What the...'

Kasanoda blinked, thoroughly confused. He had been sure that he had put his bag in his locker, but when he went back for it, the locker was totally empty. He leaned back to check the number on the locker door. Maybe he'd opened the wrong one or something. No, this was definitely his. So where was his bag?

He noticed a piece of paper resting at the bottom of the locker. Stooping down to pick it up (the Ouran Academy lockers were almost as tall as he was), he unfolded it and turned it over. It was lined paper, the kind you rip out of notebooks, with a message crudely scrawled over it in black marker;

'**We have your bag. If you want it, come to Music Room Three after school today'**

Music Room 3...what was in there?

Kasanoda smacked his palm to his forehead before crumpling the note and throwing it on the floor. Of course; that damn host club. What was their problem? Why the hell do they keep annoying him like this? I mean, normally, he'd love to go the Host Club, because that's where Haruhi was. But Haruhi would never be involved in something this stupid and immature. So why would he want to go if she's not there?

Normally he wouldn't. But, of course, they had thought of that. So they took his bag to make sure he came.

'Ugh!'

Kasanoda grunted as he punched the locker door, slamming it loudly and leaving a sizeable dent. What did they _want_ from him?

The trilling sound of the school bell echoed through the halls. He sighed. He knew he had to go; his wallet and keys were in that bag. Not to mention his schoolbooks, but he hardly cared about those. So he kicked the locker door shut and trudged towards the Music Room.

...

'Hello? Is anyone there?'

Kasanoda called into the dark room, stumbling forward.

'Hey! I want my bag back! Is there anyone here?' he shouted again. Suddenly, the lights flicked on, revealing the host club standing in the middle of the room.

'Hello, Bossanova-kun' said Tamaki, sauntering forwards.

'What's this all about, Suoh? Just gimme my bag so I can leave'

Tamaki clicked his fingers, and one of the twins threw the bag at his feet. He picked it up and slung it over his shoulder.

'Um, well, okay then, I guess I'll just...go now' Kasanoda said, turning towards the door.

'Not so fast!' Tamaki said. He sharply called 'Hikaru! Kaoru!'

The twins were suddenly behind Kasanoda, slamming the door shut and blocking his exit.

'Now then, Bossanova-kun. Let's talk' Tamaki said, walking even closer to Kasanoda, his voice low and threatening.

'For God's sake, Suoh! What is this? What the hell do you _want_ from me?' Kasanoda yelled, backing away.

Abruptly, the tense mood changed. Tamaki's dark look was instantly replaced by a wide grin as he threw his arm around Kasanoda's shoulders.

'Oh, Bossanova-kun' Tamaki laughed, 'it's not what we _want_ from you; it's what we're going to _do_ for you!'

'Huh?' Kasanoda was totally and utterly confused.

'I, Tamaki Suoh, formally invite you, Bossanova-kun, to join the Ouran High School Host Club'.

Behind him, the rest of the Host Club applauded in unison.

'No' came Kasanoda's sharp reply.

'Oh, but Bossanova-kun...' Tamaki began.

'No. No way. I am not joining your stupid prissy little club' Kasanoda turned towards the door again. He then felt the weight of two elbows leaning on his shoulders and the voices of the Hittachin twins from either side.

'If you join-' said one

'You'll get to see Haruhi every day' said the other.

Tamaki glared at them, but they just waved him off. Kasanoda, meanwhile, pondered this. Seeing Haruhi every day, talking to her...it was enough to make him seriously consider it. He was suddenly aware of the twins' and Tamaki's eyes on him. We immediately went red and stuttered out;

'W-Why would I care about that? So what if I get to see Ha-', he cleared his throat, 'I mean F-Fujioka? It's not like I care'

Kyoya rolled his eyes and stepped in front of Kasanoda.

'So, it's going to be like that, now is it?' he asked, his voice pleasant, but with an undertone of menace. 'Well then, Bossanova. Here's my offer. You will either join the Host Club, or by noon tomorrow, you will find these pictures emailed to everyone you know, out-of-school friends and family included'. He tossed a handful of pictures at Kasanoda, who gasped as he saw what they were.

He grasped the pictures in his hands, staring in disbelief. They were of him; of the time when he came to the host club to become Mori's apprentice (_A.N: If you don't know about this, watch OHSHC episode 22). _He had asked the Host Club to help him become accepted by his fellow schoolmates; one of the worst mistakes he ever made. As a result of their leader being an insufferable fool, the Host Club had decided that the main problem with him was his 'image', and tried to solve this by dressing him up in the most ridiculous costumes.

He vowed that nobody was ever to find out about that. The only people who knew was himself, the Host Club, and his family servant and friend Tetsuya, who had accidentally walked in on him wearing one of the costumes. Nobody else was to know. Ever.

Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine that they might have _pictures._ Pictures of him in those awful outfits. He flicked through the photographs. It was all there; the dreadlocks, the polka-dot scarf, the kitty ears, the...the _dress._

He held the photos tightly, poised to rip them to shreds. Kyoya guessed his intentions and said smoothly;

'Tear them up if you wish, Bossanova. Do you really think I would be so disorganized as to not have copies?' he laughed lightly. 'Just the touch of a button', he said, gesturing to his laptop on the table, 'and those pictures will be sent to every person in your school and your family'.

Kasanoda's eyes twitched to the laptop. The table wasn't far, he was pretty sure he'd be able to get over there and smash the thing before they caught him. But again, Kyoya saw his plan before it unfolded.

'Don't even think about it' he said seriously. 'I have more copies than the ones on that computer, and if you break it, you'll have to pay for it'

Kasanoda cursed silently. What was he going to do? He couldn't let anyone see those photos; he'd be ruined. He sighed. Damn. Guess he'd have to join their stupid little club now. Really, how bad could it be? After all, he'd get to see Haruhi every single day; that was a plus. He turned slowly to face Tamaki and the rest of the club.

'Okay, fine. I'll join. Don't get why you want me to so bad, but I will. I've got no choice, right?' He half turned, directing the last question at Kyoya, who just smiled and said;

'Wise choice, Bossanova'

Tamaki, meanwhile, was practically bouncing on the spot with joy. He ran and flung his arms around Kasanoda, who was totally stunned, followed by the twins and Hunny, until he was all but crushed.

'This is so great! Really great! Really, really great!' Tamaki skipped around him in circles. 'Don't worry, my friend! You'll be a gentleman in no time!'

Kasanoda edged away, detaching himself from the twins, who were still hugging him.

'Look, I said I'll join. But let me make something clear, Suoh' he held a finger up towards Tamaki's beaming face. 'I. Am. Not. Your. Friend.' He then turned and stalked out of the room.

Tamaki was shocked. His face was bone-white, his smile frozen into place. Then, abruptly, he was in the corner, huddled into a tiny ball. The rest of the host club just rolled their eyes and left him to his moping.

'...still doesn't want to be friends with me. After all I did for him, bringing him into the club...' Tamaki muttered to himself miserably.

...

So, the Host Club has officially gained a new member. How will Kasanoda handle the chaotic life of a Host? How will Haruhi handle his joining the club when she returns? Will Tamaki ever let this ridiculous notion of him and Kasanoda becoming 'friends' go? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

...

_Third chapter...done._

_Okay, what do you think? Reviews, spelling corrections, ideas, all welcome!_

_Kasanoda: Why are you doing this to me? Why?_

_Tamaki: Um...Kyoya? When exactly did you take those pictures? I don't remember you even being there._

_Kyoya: I have my ways._

_Host Club: *looks suspiciously and a little worriedly at Kyoya*_

_Me: Okay, well, that's all for this chapter! Ciao!_


	4. Chapter 4: Transformation Stage One

_Guess who? XP_

_Hi guys! Apologies x 10000000000 for the ultra-super-late update, I just haven't found time to write! Exam revision is sucking up all of my free time, and thanks to that I now have zero social life. But, or course, I found time to write this :P_

_Before I continue, I'd like to give a huge THANK YOU to __**grimdreamer**__, not only for the extremely useful reviews, but also for helping me think of a new and much better title for my fic, which you will probably have noticed. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH! :)_

_Oh, and to all of you who are reading this;_

_Me and the Host Club: HAPPY NEW YEAR!_

_Tamaki: May your year be filled with joy and prosperity_

_Me: Okay, as usual, we'll give a brief summary of the previous chapter before starting the new one. Hikaru? Kaoru?_

_Hikaru: So what happened was we decided that the best way to turn Bossanova into a gentleman was to make him a host._

_Kaoru: But we had to figure out a way to get him to join, which would not be easy._

_Tamaki: Tell me about it._

_Kasanoda: So they tricked me into meeting them in their stupid club room by stealing my bag!_

_Kaoru: Well, we wouldn't call it stealing exactly..._

_Hikaru: More like borrowed without permission._

_Hikaru and Kaoru: And at least we gave it back!_

_Tamaki: So when he arrived, we invited him to join the club. Which is a great honour, I might add._

_Kasanoda: But I said no, obviously. Why the hell would I want to join their idiotic club?_

_Tamaki: So, based on Bossanova's refusal, we resorted to Kyoya's rather...unorthodox method of persuasion._

_Hikaru: Yeah, blackmail and double-cross. Who else but that creepy manager guy would have thought of it?_

_Kyoya: Unorthodox, maybe. But it was effective, at least. Which is something that cannot be said for your pathetic persuasion attempts, Tamaki._

_Tamaki: *retreats to corner to sulk*_

_Me: Stop picking on him and get on with the recap, guys._

_Kasanoda: So they pulled out these photos of me in all these ridiculous outfits from the last time I came to the host club-_

_Me: If you don't know about this, watch OHSHC episode 22_

_Kasanoda: Huh? Okay, anyway, so he had these photos somehow and threatened to email them around my whole school and family if I didn't join the club!_

_Tamaki: So he joined, and the plan was back on track! Don't worry Bossanova, with our help, you'll be a gentleman in no time!_

_Kasanoda: Grrr..._

_Me: Well, that's basically it. Let's get on with the story!_

_... ..._

**Chapter 4: Transformation Stage One**

'Haru-chan, you're back!' Hunny cried, sprinting forward to hug Haruhi, who was standing in the doorway of the music room.

'Hey Hunny-senpai' she said, smiling, as he let go of her.

'Hey, Haruhi!' she heard the twins chorus, and turned to her left to see them running up to her as well. They both simultaneously ruffled her hair, laughing at her irritated expression as she smoothed it down again.

'Hey, Hikaru, Kaoru. Still annoying as ever, I see' she greeted them, rolling her eyes. They laughed again.

'So, how was Karuizawa? You were staying at Pension Misuzu, right? Kaoru asked _(see OHSHC episode 15) _

Did he, err, _she_ ask about us? ' Hikaru added.

'It was fine, thanks. Yeah, she asked how you guys were; the 'refreshing twins', I believe she called you', the twins smirked at the memory, 'So I told her you were fi-' just then, she was interrupted by a loud sound; a sound she'd been dreading since she entered the room.

'Haaaaruuuuhiiiiii!' Tamaki cried, leaping towards her and throwing his arms around her in a crushing hug. 'Haruhi, you're back! Did you miss me? Well, don't worry, my precious daughter, for I am here for you, and I'll never let you leave again!'

'Senpai, oof, you're...crushing me, ow!' came Haruhi's muffled reply.

'Oh!' he huffed, stepping back. 'Sorry'. He wore a huge ear-to-ear grin. 'So, I hope that you didn't miss me _too_ much while you were away' he winked.

'No, not really. In fact, I didn't really think about you at all while I was away' Haruhi answered bluntly. Tamaki's smile was instantly replaced with a look of overdramatic shock and hurt as he stumbled away from her into the corner, where he crouched, staring dejectedly at the floor. Haruhi just sighed; she was more than used to this.

'Uh, hey Fujioka. W-Welcome back' a voice came from behind her. She turned, looking very surprised to see Kasanoda leaning against the wall.

'Oh, hi, Bossanova-kun. What are you doing here?' she inquired.

'Oh, oh, Haru-chan! Guess what, guess what, guess what!' Hunny said, bouncing on the spot with his hand in the air. 'Bossanova-kun's part of the Club! He's a host now, just like us! Isn't that great?'

Haruhi blinked, even more surprised than before. After all, she knew as well as anyone that Kasanoda didn't like the Host Club. In fact, he was the last person she'd ever expect to join.

'You...joined the _Host Club_? Why?' she asked him suspiciously.

'Uh...well I...' Kasanoda stuttered. He knew he couldn't tell Haruhi about the photos; she'd kick up a fuss and demand Kyoya let him leave the club, and then he'd mail the pictures out. He was sure of that. But then what should he tell her?

'Well, you see, I...err...' he scrambled for words. Tamaki saw his chance. Rising from his position in the corner, he made his way over to them, throwing his arm around Kasanoda's shoulder.

'I convinced him to join. You see, Haruhi, in the time you were gone, Bossanova-kun and I have become the very best of friends. Isn't that right, Bossanova-kun?' he looked expectantly at Kasanoda, who gave him the most severe death glare he could manage before mumbling;

'Uh, yeah. Best friends forever, and all that' he said through gritted teeth.

Haruhi eyed his grimace, unconvinced. She knew that if there was only one thing that Bossanova hated more than Host Club, and that was Tamaki Suoh. Which meant that Tamaki was definitely up to something; and somehow or another, Bossanova had gotten roped into it.

She was interrupted in her musings by some customers asking to hear about her trip. Casting Tamaki and Kasanoda one more apprehensive glance, she sat down and began to talk about her holiday.

Once she was sufficiently distracted, Tamaki left a very surly Kasanoda and went to talk to the twins.

'Okay Boss, so we got Bossanova into the club. Now what?' Kaoru asked him.

How are we meant to turn _that-_' Hikaru gestured to Kasanoda, 'into a gentleman?'

Tamaki bit his lip thoughtfully. 'Okay...' he began. 'The first problem is his appearance. I mean, _look_ at him! He's going to scare off all the customers! What he needs is a makeover'

With this, Hikaru and Kaoru smiled identical grins.

'Now _that_ we can do' they said together.

They walked purposefully towards Kasanoda, still smiling.

'Oh, Bossanova-kun!' they called. Kasanoda turned, hearing his name, and immediately wished he hadn't. The twins' expressions were menacing, their grins strangely reminding him of cats getting ready to pounce.

'We've got a little surprise for you' they said in unison. 'Come with us'

Kasanoda was about to refuse, but then caught sight of Kyoya looking at him, a small but threatening smile on his face. He sighed inwardly; he knew what that look meant. If he was to keep those photos a secret, he'd have to do whatever they say. So instead, he unwillingly followed the twins into the oversized dressing room behind the Host Club.

**First Step to Becoming a Gentleman: Get the Right Look**

Kasanoda glanced round the room. The walls had mirrors spaced intermittently along it, and around the wall were various sofas and clothes racks, containing the Host Club's various cosplay costumes. All except for one wall, which instead had long curtains concealing several changing cubicles.

'Why do they even _have_ a dressing room here?' he thought to himself, 'This is meant to be a freaking _music room! _Geez!'

Once inside, the twins switched to full-on fashion mode; having a famous fashion designer for a mother was bound to rub off sometime.

'Okay, first we've got to get rid of that _awful_ bad-boy look' Hikaru said, gesturing overdramatically to Kasanoda's clothes.

'Hey! There's nothing wrong with my-' he began angrily.

'You are totally right, Hikaru. On some, the bad-boy look works, but here, it just looks too...too Yakuza' Kaoru interrupted, fluttering his hands. (_If you don't know what Yakuza is, look it up :P)_

Kasanoda ground his teeth together.

'First things first. No jewellery. And that means no necklaces, no earrings, no gaudy watches, all _off_' Hikaru commanded, extending his hand. Grudgingly, Kasanoda took off his necklace, earrings and watch and handed them to the waiting twin, who promptly tossed them in the bin.

'Hey!' Kasanoda made to snatch them back out, but was held back by Kaoru.

'You have no need for those now, Bossanova-kun' he said. 'Now relax. We are going to create a new you'.

Kasanoda gulped as they slowly advanced on him, the pouncing-cat smiles returning.

'Wha-what are you going to do to me?' he stuttered

The twins just grinned and said, in ominous voices;

'You'll just have to wait and see'

They each grabbed one of Kasanoda's arms and dragged him, struggling, into one of the changing cubicles.

...

Kaoru cleared his throat loudly, silencing the chatter in the room.

'Attention everyone! Hikaru and I are now proud to present our newest host, the new-and-much-improved...Bossanova-kun!' The twins then stepped aside to reveal a very different looking Kasanoda. Gone was his yellow t-shirt and messy appearance. Instead he was wearing a perfectly pristine uniform, compete with buttoned up blazer and tie.

He had put his foot down when the twins tried to crop his hair short, so instead it was trimmed and tied into a sleek ponytail behind his back.

He looked down nervously, a severe frown on his scarlet face, loosened his tie and gulped. His skin prickled with the feeling of all the eyes in the room staring at him, but he still didn't look up.

'So? Whatcha think?' the twins said to Tamaki, who looked speculatively at Kasanoda.

'Well, it's a definite improvement', he said slowly, 'but the girls still seem scared of him'. Tamaki glanced at the faces of the ladies in the room, who, indeed, still seemed very intimidated by Kasanoda. He pursed his lips in thought.

'The thing is, looks are only half the battle' he said sternly to the twins 'To be a host, one also needs charm, manners, refinement' the twins nodded seriously.

'Bossanova-kun' Tamaki barked. 'Come here'. Kasanoda shuffled towards him, eyes still down.

'You'll be staying after school today' Tamaki commanded.

'What? Why?' Kasanoda asked, irritated. He didn't want to stay with this godforsaken club any longer than necessary.

'Because training to be a host requires time and dedication' he snapped. 'Prepare yourself, Bossanova-kun. The time has come for your gentleman lessons'

...

_I know this is a little shorter than my other entries, sorry about that. But still, hope it was okay._

_Kasanoda: What? Gentleman lessons? Aw COME ON! Haven't I been tortured enough?_

_Me: Nope_

_Kasanoda: I hate you_

_Me: I know *smiles angelically*_

_Okay, well, that's all for this chapter! Once again, no reviews, NO UPDATES! 'Kay, bye!_


	5. Chapter 5: The Gentleman Lessons

_Vylet here, after a very, very, VERY long time._

_I can never apologies enough for not updating. I kind of forgot this fic actually existed, sorry :S_

_Okay, recap of last time:_

_Haruhi: So I came back from Karuizawa in order to find that Bossanova-kun had joined the club. Which I still don't quite understand._

_Tamaki: But our plan to find him a new girlfriend was heavily impaired by his terrifying, utterly style-less, and frankly, just plain unacceptable appearance._

_Kasanoda: Hey!_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: So...we got to give Bossanova a MAKEOVER!_

_Kasanoda: Is that what you called it? I thought of it more as an assault._

_Hikaru: Relax, Bossanova. You look great._

_Kasanoda: I look ridiculous._

_Me: Err...guys?_

_Tamaki: Oh, right. So we managed to overcome the hurdle that was Bossanova's lady-repelling looks..._

_Kasanoda: Watch it, Suoh._

_Tamaki: ...which just left the problem of his brutish ways and complete lack of manners._

_Kasanoda: I'm RIGHT HERE, you know!_

_Kyoya: Yes, we know. But you're not going to DO anything, right, Bossanova-kun? I still have some rather...interesting pictures of you, I hope you realise._

_Haruhi: Huh?_

_Kasanoda: Uh, nothing! __Grrr... *glares murderously at Kyoya*_

_Me: Okay, well, that's it for last chapter! Let's get going, shall we?_

_Host Club: Go, go, go!_

...

Chapter 5: The Gentleman Lessons

**Second Step to Becoming a Gentleman: Learn the Right Manners**

'No, no, no! You're going about this all wrong!' Tamaki shouted, thumping his fist on the coffee table. 'When entertaining a lady, one must be relaxed and at ease, poised and confident' he illustrated his point by leaning back into the plush pink sofa and twirling his hand in the air. 'You must act as if you don't have a care in the world! Be natural! Not awkward and grumpy like a mumbling fool!'

Kasanoda, sitting on the other end of the sofa to Tamaki, ground his teeth. Not only did he now _look_ like one of those Host Club nitwits, he was expected to _act_ like one too? He cast one pleading glance at Kyoya, silently begging for mercy. Kyoya, however, just caught his eye and smirked, fanning himself exaggeratedly with a handful of the photos he always seemed to have in his pocket. Photos, if they were ever released to the public, which would destroy Kasanoda's life forever.

Mentally cursing Kyoya to the deepest circle of hell, he turned back to Tamaki, lips pursed.

'Now...' Tamaki said, sitting up straight. 'Again'. Kasanoda sighed. This was just beyond ridiculous.

'So, Bossanova-kun...' Tamaki said in an odd, high-pitched, feminine voice, fluttering his hands and twirling his hair. 'What are your hobbies?'

'Uh, well, I'm...' Kasanoda began, looking down at his shoes.

'Wrong, wrong, wrong!' Tamaki said in his normal voice. 'No stuttering! Be clear in your words! Look the customer in the eye! And smile! The way you look, someone would think I was dragging you across hot coals or something!'

'I'd take hot coals over _this_, any day' Kasanoda thought, picking at a thread on his sleeve.

'Bossanova-kun! Are you even listening to me?' Tamaki demanded, clicking his fingers in front of Kasanoda's face.

'Look, Suoh. You and I both know this is hopeless' Kasanoda huffed. 'We've been doing this for days and I'm still no better at talking to people than I always was. Just give it up, would you?'

Tamaki bit his lip and narrowed his eyes. 'Fine. Take a ten minute break. But don't think we're finished! You still have a long way to go' he said before standing and walking off.

...

'Aw, come on, Haruhi! Just once, please, please, please?' Hikaru pleaded.

'No way. Go bother someone else' Haruhi replied.

'But we've already gotten our mother to ship the whole summer collection in, just for you!' Kaoru wailed.

'For the last time, _no_! I am not coming to your house to play dress up! Now leave me alone!' Haruhi said resolutely.

'Excuse me, Haruhi. I'd like to talk to the twins alone, if you don't mind' Tamaki said, approaching them.

'Gladly' Haruhi said before leaving to join Hunny at the snack table.

'What's up, Mi'lord?' the twins said together. 'How're the lessons going?'

'Hopeless, just hopeless! I swear, Bossanova-kun's got less gentlemanly qualities than that chair over there! What are we going to do?' Tamaki cried overdramatically, flopping down on the sofa.

'Well whatever we do, we'd better do it soon! Look!' the twins said, simultaneously pointing to the snack table, where Haruhi and Kasanoda were chatting. Haruhi was laughing, and Kasanoda actually had a smile on his face. Tamaki's face froze as his gaze locked onto them.

'The more time he spends in the club, the more time he spends with Haruhi. The more time he spends with Haruhi, the less chance he'll ever find a new girlfriend. Guess this plan sort-of backfired, huh, boss? Boss?' Kaoru said, fanning his hand in front of Tamaki's eyes. 'Hey, Boss, you okay?' Tamaki didn't respond, his eyes still on Haruhi's laughing face.

**-Tamaki's Inner Mind Theatre-**

_Haruhi and Kasanoda stood together, chatting merrily at the snack table._

'_Is that what he really said? Tamaki-senpai can be so stupid sometimes!' Haruhi laughed._

'_No arguments here' Kasanoda replied, smiling._

_Haruhi reached for another muffin, still laughing. Kasanoda reached for the muffin at the same time. They both froze when their hands touched._

'_Haruhi, there's something I need to tell you' Kasanoda said, looking Haruhi straight in the eye. 'I love you. I always have'_

_Haruhi gasped and then blushed. 'I love you too, Bossanova-kun' she said shyly 'Lets run away together!'_

'_You really want to? Okay! Let's run away and be together!' Kasanoda replied excitedly._

_And get married and have children and be together forever because I don't love anyone except you! Not anyone ever! And ESPECIALLY not Tamaki-senpai!' She cried, taking hold of his hand._

'_Yes, my love! We'll be together forever, and you will never, ever, EVER love that idiot Suoh!' Kasanoda said, putting his other hand over hers._

'_Never, ever, ever!' Agreed Haruhi, grinning._

**-Tamaki's Inner Mind Theatre-End-**

'Boss! Hey Boss!' Kaoru said, shaking Tamaki out of his nightmare...er...daymare.

'No, Haruhi...don't run away with him...!' Tamaki murmured dazedly.

'Huh?' The twins cocked their heads to the side in synchronization.

'NO!' Tamaki shouted suddenly, leaping to his feet. He strode over to Haruhi, and grabbed her arm, spinning her away from Kasanoda.

'What are you thinking! You can't get _married_! And you _definitely_ can't get married to _HIM_!' He yelled, shaking her.

'Senpai! Stop!' she cried in shock, prying his hand off her arm. 'Tamaki-senpai, what are you talking about!'

Tamaki looked around, talking notice of his surroundings for the first time. Every member of the club was staring at him with the exact same expression, the what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you expression. He jerked his arm away and stepped back hastily.

'Oh!' he huffed, turning bright red. 'I-I'm sorry, Haruhi. Daddy just had a bit of a confusion, that's all. So, what were you two talking about, then, hmmm?'

'Well, Senpai...' Haruhi began 'Bossanova-kun was just telling me about the ridiculously stupid exercises you put him through, in order to 'turn him into a gentleman'. You know, you can be so stupid sometimes' Haruhi laughed, causing Kasanoda to smile again.

'Oh no!' Tamaki thought frantically 'It's really happening!'

'Ah, come on, Bossanova-kun. Break's over. Let's go again' he said quickly, catching Kasanoda's elbow and jerking him towards the sofas.

'Ugh. Fine, just let go. I guess I'll see you later, Fujioka' Kasanoda said, his smile replaced with his signature scowl. Tamaki stopped abruptly and span to face him.

'What do you mean you'll _see her later?_ When will you see her? Where will you see her? Do you two have plans?' he said angrily.

'What? N-No, it was just...I was just saying bye to her, I-I didn't mean I'll actually see her later. Wait, what's it to you anyway?' Kasanoda stammered.

'Yeah, senpai, what's with you? You're acting really...weird' Haruhi said, the what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you look returning to her face, even more pronounced.

'Nothing! Nothing's wrong, everything's fine! Now, come on, Bossanova-kun. All this chatting won't turn you into a gentleman, now will it?' Tamaki said hurriedly, heading back towards the sofas.

On the other end of the room, the twins watched in speculative interest.

'Say, Hikaru, have you noticed the Boss is getting a little...paranoid, lately?' Kaoru asked, turning towards his brother.

'Lately?' Hikaru asked incredulously.

'You know what I mean' Kaoru replied. 'More than usual. This Bossanova-hanging-around-Haruhi thing is really getting him worked up'

'Yeah...' Hikaru said, glancing back over at Tamaki and Bossanova, who were once again continuing with their lessons. 'We need to find him a girlfriend soon, before Tamaki ends up going totally insane'

'Or killing Bossanova-kun' Kaoru added.

'Yeah, or that' said Hikaru, nodding. They turned away from Tamaki and Bossanova only to find that they were being watched. Kyoya sat opposite them, an odd half-smile on his lips.

'What?' the twins said together.

'It's rather curious' Kyoya replied. 'I would have thought either you two or Tamaki would have thought of it by now'.

'Thought of what?' the twins asked suspiciously.

'Think about it. What is the problem here? We have someone whom we are trying to turn into a host, only he is completely and utterly the wrong type of person, right?'

'Right' the twins said, still suspicious.

'You might even say he has the wrong _character_' Kyoya said meaningfully. 'So what would we need then?'

The twins eyes widened in understanding as they grasped what he meant.

'Character reformation' they whispered.

'Right' Kyoya said. 'And who's the person to go to when we need a character reformation'

Identical grins spread across their faces.

Suddenly, the floor began to rumble. A cackling filled the room and everyone turned to look. At the sound, Tamaki's head snapped up.

'Oh no...' he whispered 'Not _her_'

The floor opened at out rose a huge mechanical platform. And on it? A girl with light brown hair with ribbons, and Ouran girls uniform and a huge ear-to-ear grin.

'So' she said to the suddenly silent room. 'Who've I got to reform this time?'

...

_Dun-dun-dun! Now Renge's in the picture, even I don't know what's going to happen!_

_Tamaki: Why? Why her? Of all people why did you have to bring HER into this?_

_Kasanoda: Wait, I don't understand! Who is that?_

_Me: Oh, you'll find out, Bossanova. Believe me, you will. *evil grin*_

_Kasanoda: Um...should I be worried? *worried face*_

_Tamaki: Oh yeah. Now that SHE'S in the story, you should definitely be worried..._

_Kasanoda: *even more worried face*_

_Me: Well, that's all for this chapter. Remember, the usual policy applies here. No reviews, NO UPDATES! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!_

_Mmmmkay, well, BYE!_


	6. Chapter 6: Character Evaluation

_Hello to all the people who are STILL reading this fic, though I wouldn't blame you if you refuse to read anymore in protest of my SUPER LATE updates, for which I will never apologize enough for..._

_But I'll still try. !_

_*ahem* Right, anyway, so last chapter, we saw Tamaki attempting to give Kasanoda 'gentleman lessons'..._

_Kyoya: 'Attempting' being the operative word._

_Tamaki: It's not MY fault they were so unsuccessful! He has absolutely no manners at all! He's like...like some sort of savage!_

_Kasanoda: For the last time, Suoh, you don't talk about someone like that when they're RIGHT HERE! I mean , I CAN hear you!_

_Tamaki: *oblivious* I mean, seriously! Have you seen his posture? And his teeth! Ugh, and his HAIR! Even the twins couldn't do much with that rat's nest! And-_

_Kasanoda: Alright, that does it!_

_Kyoya: Watch the temper, Bossanova *meaningful glance*_

_Kasanoda: *freeze* Ugh. Whatever._

_Me: Um, guys? Not that this isn't entertaining, but can we get back to the recap?_

_Hikaru and Kaoru: Right. So we saw that Tamaki was getting a little TOO freaked by this whole Bossanova-kun thing..._

_Tamaki: What on earth are you talking about? I am not freaked! Why, I am the least freaked person I know! It's HIM who's the freak! HIM! *points at Kasanoda*_

_Kasanoda: Why you-!_

_Kyoya: *ahem!*_

_Kasanoda: Grrr..._

_Hikaru: See what we mean?_

_Kaoru: So anyway, we realised that the plan wasn't really working so well, so, being the geniuses we are, we came up with something even better..._

_Kyoya: Excuse me? YOU came up with it?_

_Hikaru: Okay, well, Kyoya...sort of helped. I guess._

_Kyoya: *rolling eyes*_

_Me: And what was this amazingly brilliant plan of yours?_

_Kaoru: It was-_

_Renge: To bring ME into the story! Hey everyone!_

_Tamaki: Why, Vy-chan? Why her? Of all the people you could have brought in, why HER?_

_Me: Sorry Tamaki, but I call the shots around here, and I say; WELCOME, RENGE!'_

_Renge: Thank you, now, can we just get on with this?_

_Me: Right, yes...well, okay then. That's pretty much all that happened last chapter, so let's get on with the new one!_

_Kasanoda: Ugh, do we have to?_

_Host Club: YES!_

_Tamaki: No..._

...

Chapter 6 – Character Evaluation

'So I guess I'm needed again. This club just can't work without me, can it?' Renge laughed. 'I wonder how it ever worked in the first place, what with such an airhead pretty boy in charge!' she continued.

Tamaki glared at the girl's back from where he was seated, clenching his fist.

'Easy, Tamaki' he thought to himself. 'Just remember; be a gentleman. Show Bossanova-kun how it's done'

And so, locking his irritation away in that little box in the back of his head, he replaced his scowl with the signature 'prince-charming' smile (as he often referred to it) and stood to greet the club's visitor.

'Renge-chan, what a pleasantsurprise! Tell me; to what do we owe this _extreme honour_ of this visit?' he said, mentally checking off each item on his how-to-get-a-girl-to-like-you list (that's right, he has a list). Winning smile; check. Politeness; check. Flattery; double check. Now the kiss on her hand, to win her over...

Just as he was about to reach for her hand, it swung out and caught him hard on the cheek.

'Yow!' he yelped, jumping back in surprise.

'Get away, you phoney! I'm not falling for any of your dumb tricks!' Renge snapped.

Tamaki staggered back, overcome with shock, before retreating to his favourite sulking spot in the corner.

'Dumb tricks. _Dumb tricks. My_ winning smile, _my _flawless manners, everything I know and it wasn't enough for that cold hearted...' he muttered to himself, pointedly ignoring the stifled laughter coming from behind him, from a peculiarly Kasanoda-like direction.

'Ah, Renge-chan. I was wondering when you'd show up' Kyoya said, flashing a winning smile of his own (utterly fake, of course).

'Ah! Kyoya-sama!' Renge said, spinning round to face him, her anger towards Tamaki vanishing instantly. 'You were waiting for me?'

'Why, of course' Kyoya nodded. 'In fact, I'm surprised you weren't included in this story earlier'.

'Hmm. Me too, to be honest' Renge said, shrugging. 'But oh well! I'm here now, so what seems to be the problem?'

'Well, you see, Renge-chan...' said Hikaru, suddenly appearing on one side of her.

'We seem to be having a bit of trouble with our newest club member's _character_' said Kaoru, appearing on her other side.

'Well, that's _obvious_' Renge replied offhandedly. 'What are you waiting for? Bring him out and let's get to work!'

The twins grinned identical grins before barking;

'Bossanova-kun! Get over here!'

Kasanoda trudged over to find out what his next form of torture would be.

'We just can't seem to figure out where he _fits_ in the club' the twins sighed dramatically.

Renge looked Bossanova up and down with scrutinizing eyes.

'I can see why. He's not your usual type at all is he?' Renge said slowly 'He's messy, grumpy-looking, not particularly attractive...'

'Hey, watch it-' Kasanoda began, but was silenced with a look from Kyoya.

'...and there's something terribly...repellent about his nature' Renge continued, oblivious to Kasanoda's growing anger. 'Not at all what you'd expect from a host. What made you choose to let him into the club in the first place?' she looked to the twins for an answer.

'I'm afraid that's _my_ doing, Renge-chan' said Tamaki, returning from his corner (once he had figured out nobody was paying attention to him). 'You see, Bossanova-kun has become quite a dear friendof mine, and I noticed his...his _gentlemanly qualities _left much to be desired. And I could not allow that. So what was left for me to do, as a friend, but to take him under my wing and try to convey my, rather superior, knowledge of everything a man should be, how a man should act...'

'Oh, get on with it, you fool!' Renge snapped irritably.

'Right, right, yes of course' Tamaki said hurriedly 'Well, it seems that my attempts to teach Bossanova-kun how to be a good host weren't exactly as successful as I hoped, and we thought, who would be better than you to find his proper place in this club? After all, you are the most experienced in this area, and I have complete faith that you will-'

'Be quiet, you slimy faker! I don't want to hear any of your pathetically cheap, worthless compliments, they won't work on me!' Renge cut him off.

'Ah, but it is true, Renge-chan' Kyoya said smoothly. 'There is nobody but you with enough skill and imagination to help this..._particular _case'

'Oh, Kyoya-sama, stop. You're making me blush!' Renge crowed, her hands on her cheeks, ignoring Tamaki's furious glare.

'Well, all reasons aside, he's in the club now, so let's see what we can do with him' Renge switched back into her business-like nature in the blink of an eye. 'First off, the reason your 'gentleman' lessons haven't worked is because you've been trying to make him into something he's not. You've been trying to make him into another 'princely type' character, which he obviously doesn't fit'

'_Exactly_! Thank you!' Kasanoda said, throwing his arms in the air.

'What we need to do is find an _original_ character for him! An all-new genre!' Renge finished, pointing dramatically in his direction.

'What, what?' Kasanoda froze in panic. What were they going to do to him?

'But Renge-chan, what genres are there that we don't already have?' the twins asked, simultaneously cocking their heads to the side.

'We've got the 'mischievous type', which is us' said Kaoru.

'And the 'cool and mysterious' type' said Hikaru, pointing to Kyoya (who was watching them speculatively)

'We've got the 'boy Lolita' type' said Kaoru, gesturing to Hunny (who was _still_ eating cake)

'And the 'strong and silent' type' said Hikaru, pointing to Mori (who was hovering silently around Hunny)

'And we have the 'princely' type!' interjected Tamaki, pointing to himself. Renge rolled her eyes and shoved him back.

'And now we've also got the 'natural' type' said Kaoru, pointing to Haruhi (who was reading, and ignoring all the club's chaos as usual)

'So what more types are there?' they finished together.

Renge pursed her lips for a moment, staring hard at Kasanoda, who shrank away.

'I think...could he be? I don't know...but I might...yes, I think that'd work! Yes! I've got it!' Renge finally said, snapping her fingers.

'What is it, what is it, what is it?' Hunny said from the snack table, jumping up and down on the spot.

'He can be the 'Tough and Tragic' type!' She said proudly, gesturing to Kasanoda with a flourish.

Smiles stretched over the twins' faces, spreading soon to Kyoya's as well.

'Tough and Tragic...' Kyoya shrugged. 'It could work'

'Yes, yes!' Tamaki scurried over excitedly 'Renge-chan, you're a genius!'

'I know' Renge grinned.

Kasanoda looked at the suddenly smiling (and incredibly creepy) faces of the Host Club with a sense of growing fear that something very, _very_ bad was about to happen to him.

'What? I don't get it! What is a 'Tough and Tragic' type?' he said shakily, edging away from their eager grins.

'Oh, you'll find out' Hikaru said.

Kasanoda abruptly felt that the club, at that moment, looked very much like predators, and he was the prey.

'Whatever this _thing_ is...' he thought, panicking (and mentally planning escape routes) 'It's not going to be good...'

...

_Gaaah! This chapter is definitely one of my worst...sorry about that._

_And also sorry that so little happened in this chapter, but I wanted to set the precedent of what's going to happen in the future, because I want to develop this whole 'character reformation' thing a lot further, and if I did that in this chapter, it would have been VEEEERY long..._

_So just think of this as a... a filler I guess, like a preview of what's to come. Or like an introduction for Renge or something. Either way, it's not that great and I apologize._

_Renge: A whole chapter as an introduction to ME? I understand why, being as important as I am, but still, Vy-chan. I'm flattered._

_Kasanoda: I still don't get it! What are they going to do to me? Will I need a lawyer?'_

_Me: Sorry, Bossanova, no spoilers!_

_Kasanoda: ...they're going to kill me, aren't they?_

_Me: I'm not saying anything! But no, I'm not planning on you DYING any time soon...this isn't a horror fic._

_Kyoya: Besides, the trials and bribery involved in a murder case would just be too messy. I can't afford to squander the club's funds that way._

_Me: Right. Well, that's...rather disturbing, Kyoya_

_Kyoya: It's true though._

_Me: Okay then, on that morbid note, I think we can just about wrap things up here! Just a reminder, reviews are greatly appreciated. Okay, well, see you next chapter :D_


	7. Chapter 7: Daydreaming

_It's Vy here! (as if it would be anyone else :P)_

_Okay. All of my readers have explicit permission to hate me. I can't believe I took so long to upload another chapter. I am so so so so so sorry._

_Wait...omg, seriously? I've written SEVEN CHAPTERS? NO WAY!_

_Renge: And you only included ME in chapter 6? Really, Vy-chan, I expected more from you._

_Tamaki: Ah, Renge-chan. Do not berate the author, for now that you ARE here, this story will be filled with the light of your everlasting radiance!_

_Renge: Oh, shut it, you. *angry glare*_

_Tamaki: *runs to the corner*_

_Me: Anyway, guys, can we get on with the flashback please?_

_Kyoya: Certainly, Vy-chan. You see, last chapter wasn't as...event filled as usual, but we DID introduce a new character to the story-_

_Renge: Me! Isn't that obvious?_

_Kyoya: Quite. So Renge-chan here was filled in on our...predicament-_

_Renge: -and I, being the absolute master of character reformation that I am, decided to take on the challenge of turning Bossanova into a true gentleman!_

_Hikaru: But we first needed to find a genre for Bossanova to fill, sort of...a facet of the club that wasn't already filled. It was hard, because we've got such a variety..._

_Renge: *pushes Hikaru out of the way* But that was no problem for ME!_

_Hikaru: Hey!_

_Renge: *oblivious* After some careful deliberation, I concluded that the best genre for Bossanova here was the Tough and Tragic type!_

_Host Club: *applauds appreciatively*_

_Kasanoda: I still don't have a clue what they're talking about._

_Me: Oh, you will, Bossanova. You will..._

_Kasanoda: *tries to escape but is frozen by an evil glare from Kyoya* Damn it._

_Me: Well, enough with that, let's get going!_

_..._

**Chapter 7: Daydreaming**

_A shy young girl approached the figure sitting on the window ledge. As she drew closer, she saw his eyes staring sadly out of the window, lost in the memories of his tragic past._

'_E-Excuse me? Are you okay?' she says, barely mustering up the courage to talk to him. For a minute, he seems not to have heard her. She's about to turn and leave, when she hears his voice, so softly she could barely make out the words._

'_I...'_

'_Yes?' The girl prompted._

_Um...' he cleared his throat._

'STOP!' The girl 'shy young girl' suddenly yelled, instantly breaking character.

'How are you expecting this to work, if you CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR LINES?' Renge shrieked at Kasanoda.

'I'm _not_ expecting this to work...' he muttered under his breath, glad for the momentary break from this ridiculous act.

'What was that?' Renge said in menacing voice.

'Ah! Nothing!' Kasanoda said, not expecting her to hear him. Seriously, that girl had the ears of a bat. And the voice to match.

'Now you listen to me, Bossanova' she squawked, reminding him oddly of one of those chattering parakeets that never shut up. 'Girls need to be taken by your mystery! They need to see the sadness and secrecy in your eyes, and the UTMOST FLUENCY of your words, and become intrigued! YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO SIT THERE AND STUTTER LIKE AN IDIOT!'

Kasanoda rolled his eyes as she continued to lecture him about the World's Stupidest Role Play.

'There is nothing more fascinating than a man with secrets. A dark past, shrouded in mystery, constantly haunted by the demons he's trying so hard to run from...'

Kasanoda could see her getting more and more lost in her own imagination. The dreamy look in her eyes could only mean one thing. It won't be long now, oh wait, here we go...

**Renge's Inner Mind Theatre**

_A shy young girl approached the figure sitting on the window ledge. As she drew closer, she saw his eyes staring sadly out of the window, lost in the memories of his tragic past._

'_E-Excuse me? Are you okay?' she says, barely mustering up the courage to talk to him. For a minute, he seems not to have heard her, and she's about to turn and leave, when she hears his voice, so softly she could barely make out the words._

'_I don't know if I'll ever be...'_

_The young girl stood, fascinated. Abruptly, he turned to face her._

'_Yes?' he asked, a little coldly._

'_I...I was just wondering if you were alright' the girl stammered, blushing furiously. 'You just seemed...I mean...I'm sorry. I was just worried I guess'_

'_I'm fine' he replied emotionlessly._

'_Oh...okay' she turned to leave._

'_Wait' she heard his voice behind her. She swivelled around; startled that he'd addressed her again._

'_Thank you...for worrying' he said uneasily, as if didn't express his feelings very often._

'_Oh, y-you're welcome! I'm Yori' she said, surprised and happy, holding out her hand to him._

_He stared at it, not extending his in return. After a few awkward seconds, she withdrew it, looking down at the floor._

'_I'm Bossanova' she heard him mumble. She looked up at him, a smile lighting up her features._

_For a moment, she thought she was his face change. His hard mask slipped, ever so slightly, to reveal a small smile, a tiny softening of the eyes. But as soon as it came, it was gone. He glanced back at her._

'_Is there anything else you wanted?' he replied in an uncaring voice._

'_No... Um, goodbye' she hurried off, pausing only once to look over her shoulder at the strange figure on the window ledge. He was looking out of the window again, and she thought, just for a second, she could see the reflection of his lips mouth the word;_

'_Yori'_

**End of Theatre**

'You see? THAT'S how it's meant to go!' she returned to reality, smacking him upside the head.

Kasanoda was speechless at the absolute stupidity of Renge's little story. What the hell was this freak thinking? This wasn't some kind of sappy love manga!

Tamaki, on the other hand, was nodding his head furiously from where he observed the scene, seated on the sofa.

'Hey Boss, don't you think Renge's gone a little too far with this?' Hikaru turned to ask Tamaki.

Tamaki didn't reply, still nodding his head at a speed that can't have been good for his neck.

'Boss?' Kaoru said, coming over to join them. 'Hello? Boss?' he waved a hand in front of Tamaki's face, with no response.

'Ugh. He's daydreaming again' Hikaru said, rolling his eyes.

'We'd better just wait it out' Kaoru said, his bored expression mirroring Hikaru's.

**Tamaki's Inner Mind Theatre**

'_Is there anything else you wanted?' Bossanova replied in an uncaring voice._

'_No... Um, goodbye' the girl hurried off, pausing only once to look over her shoulder at the strange figure on the window ledge. He was looking out of the window again, and she thought, just for a second, she could see the reflection of his lips mouth the word;_

'_Yori'_

'_Bossanova-kun!' he heard his name being called and turned his head, just to see Haruhi running up to him._

'_Hi!' she said breathlessly. 'So, are you ready to go? Shall we leave tonight?'_

_He looked at her confusedly. 'Go where?'_

'_We're running away together, silly! We're in LOVE! Remember?' Haruhi laughed._

'_Oh' Bossanova looked down guiltily. 'Listen, Haruhi, about that...I can't run away with you. I'm sorry'_

'_Huh?' Haruhi looked at him, shocked. But then she laughed lightly. 'Oh, I get it. You're joking. Good one' she punched his arm lightly._

_Bossanova raised his head and looked her straight in the eye, before saying;_

'_No Haruhi. I'm so sorry, but I'm serious. I've realised that I don't love you. I've fallen in love with someone else. Her name...is Yori'_

_Hearing this, Yori (who had been secretly listening this whole time) ran out into Bossanova's arms._

'_Oh Bossanova, I knew you loved me! Let's run away and be together forever!' she wept, tears of joy flowing from her eyes._

'_Yes, my love! We shall! For I love nobody else but you, and I never ever will!' he said in return, swinging Yori around in the air._

'_But Bossanova! What about US?' Haruhi cried. Bossanova looked pityingly at her._

'_I'm sorry Haruhi, but I never really loved you. I love Yori, and I always will' he replied, taking Yori's hand._

'_Come, my love!' he said joyously to her, leading her away from Haruhi. 'Let us go forth and begin our new lives together!'_

'_Fine! I hate you! I hate you and I always will!' Haruhi cried through her tears, falling to her knees and sobbing._

'_Haruhi! What's wrong? What happened?' Tamaki cried, running up to her._

'_Bossanova...he...l-lied to me' she choked out through her sobs. 'He n-never really loved me'_

'_Oh, Haruhi' Tamaki sighed, kneeling beside her and wrapping his arms around her. 'I would never hurt you like that. Not like he did'_

_Haruhi peeked up at him through her wet eyelashes, a blush forming on her cheeks._

'_P-Promise?'_

_He smiled at her._

'_Cross my heart'_

_She clutched at his chest._

'_Oh Tamaki-Senpai! I was wrong! It wasn't Bossanova I loved; it was all a big mistake. It's you. It was always you'_

**End of Theatre**

'Yes!' Tamaki suddenly shouted, leaping to his feet and startling both of the waiting twins. 'Bossanova must follow Renge-chan's every direction, every order! It's the only way to save Haruhi!'

'Boss?' The twins looked at each other, then Tamaki simultaneously, confusion on both their faces.

'I mean...' Tamaki cleared his throat, noticing for the first time his surroundings. 'It's the only way to save _Bossanova_...from...from being alone all his life! Yes!' he rushed, embarrassed at the strange looks he was receiving. 'Bossanova must learn to impress the ladies; otherwise Yori will never want him!'

'Who?' The twins asked in unison.

'Um...never mind. Just get on with it, Bossanova'

'I, uh, I think I need a break' Bossanova grumbled. He was sick of this silly game.

'Fine' Renge snapped. 'A ten minute break. But I want you back here in then minutes EXACTLY. Understand?'

'Yes ma'am' Kasanoda said miserably before sprinting as far away from his insane fangirl slave-driver.

'And YOU' Renge shrieked, whirling to face Tamaki, who cringed away from her. 'If I EVER hear one of your STUPID outbursts interrupt me again, I WILL TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF! Is that clear?'

'Yes, yes, yes!' Tamaki squeaked before running to huddle up in the corner, a dark cloud of fear evident around him.

Meanwhile, at the snack table, Kasanoda was stuffing his face with little sandwiches.

'Bossanova-kun?'

He froze, instantly very aware that he was bent over the table with his cheeks bulging with food. He swallowed it noisily, straightening up to face his visitor.

'Oh, h-hey Fujioka. How's it going?' he stammered, going very red.

'Alright' Haruhi shrugged, oblivious to Kasanoda's embarrassment. 'Have they driven you mad yet?' she inclined her head to Renge, who's nose was currently buried in some Shojo Manga book, and Tamaki, who was still trembling in the corner.

'You have no idea' Kasanoda muttered. He heard Haruhi chuckle.

'They can be a bit...difficult to handle at times'

It was Kasanoda's turn to laugh now. 'Difficult? I'd shave my head if anyone could handle HER' he pointed to Renge.

Haruhi chuckled again. Before they knew it, they were both laughing their heads off.

...

Eyeing pair suspiciously were none other than the twins.

'There's something...different about Bossanova, wouldn't you say, Kaoru?' Hikaru turned to his twin.

'Definitely, Hikaru. I've never seen Kasanoda laugh like that before' he replied slyly.

'Hmm. It seems our little Bossanova might be planning something' Hikaru said.

'Whatever it is, I hope for his own safety it doesn't involve Haruhi. The Boss is just looking for an excuse to steamroller him' Kaoru answered.

'Mmm' Hikaru nodded. 'I suppose we'll just have to wait and see'

...

'So, uh, Haruhi...' Kasanoda began, looking abruptly uncomfortable.

'Yes?' Haruhi said, still giggling slightly.

'I was wondering if...if you were doing anything after school...tomorrow?'

The room suddenly went dead silent.

Every head turned towards Kasanoda, who glanced around nervously.

Kyoya's pencil snapped in shock. Hikaru and Kaoru's mouths were wide open. Hunny's eyes grew to the size of saucers. Mori looked...well, Mori looked emotionless as always.

Every eye shifted to Tamaki. His head rose slowly to turn and look Kasanoda straight in the eye. Kasanoda flinched at the blackness of his expression. Crap, he'd heard him.

Tamaki rose slowly to his feet, advancing towards the pair by the snack table with a terrifyingly slow pace. His footsteps echoing on the tiles was the only sound in the room.

He stopped a few feet before them, and, in the lowest, most deadly voice Kasanoda had ever heard, he said;

'Did you just ask..._my_ Haruhi...on a _date_?'

...

_Uh ooooh. What's Tama-chan going to do?_

_Kasanoda: WHAT? YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT THERE! WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO TO ME?_

_Tamaki: Kill you, if I'm lucky._

_Kyoya: Now, Tamaki, I thought we already went over this. Murder cases would be just too messy for this club's finances to handle._

_Tamaki: Ugh. Fine. But only because you say so, Mommy._

_Kyoya: *rolls eyes* Whatever, Daddy._

_Kasanoda: What kind of perverse relationship is THIS?_

_Me: It's...it's a long story._

_Kasanoda: I don't think I want to know._

_Me: Well, that about does it for this chapter! Oh, just FYI, next chapter may, and I repeat, MAY be the last. Possibly._

_Host Club: Awww._

_Me: *sniff* I know, right? But now's not the time to be sad! You all still have another chapter to look forward to! YAY!_

_Host Club: YAY!_

_Me: Okay, well, just remember, reviews are pure awesomeness! Bye!_


End file.
